Before I Begin...

I tried it. And I didn't hate it. I didn't love it either. It was an unusual and unique experience. Both eye-opening and mind-limiting. Freeing and constricting all at once. I was seeing things I had never seen before, but I was being told how and what to think about them. 

What is it, you ask? 

Film school. 

For my freshman year of college, I was accepted to the School of Cinematic Arts at the University of Southern California. After being an avid movie fan all of my life, this seemed like the natural next step. And maybe it was. I only attended USC for one year, but I learned more in that one year than I ever thought I would. I grew in so many ways as I took my first shaky steps into the big, grown-up world. The film school at USC is as impressive as you would imagine it to be. Big, stone buildings with courtyards and fountains. Movie props and costumes fill the lobby. Signed movie posters adorn the walls. You know when you step in that other movie greats have passed through these same doors. Heck, Steven Spielberg financed one of the buildings. My first day of Intro to Film, I felt like anything was possibly. And then reality set in.

Film school doesn't teach you all about film. Film school teaches you what your PROFESSORS think about film. Their personal theories and opinions are reflected in every lecture and you're tested on their opinions, not yours. I thought I was going to this place to develop my own thoughts on film, Instead, I was just training to think exactly like my professors did. And not only that - I was being groomed to enter the crazy, corporate world of big budget, studio movies and that terrified me. That was NOT what I wanted to do. I love STORIES, not $$$. 

It was hard to realize that USC wasn't the place for me after dreaming about it for so many years. Now I'm at UGA and I'm not even a film major anymore. This isn't because I don't love film. In fact, I probably love it more nowadays than ever. I truly believe if I had stayed at USC, I would have fallen out of love with film and just stayed in the business to rise up the ladder and become a studio head. Leaving film school was the best thing I could have done to preserve my love and interest in movies. 

I have no idea where I'll end up for grad school (or if I'll even go). There's a part of me that really wants to go to NYU for grad school to study cinematic arts, but I'm still hesitant because it might be just like my first experience with film school. Maybe I'll end up studying human rights or non-profit management. My Sociology major now is certainly preparing me for that. Who knows. 

For now, I'm choosing to study film in my own, personal way. I've created this blog to jot down my thoughts and feelings about certain films I watch (and I watch A LOT of films). I don't really plan to gain anything from this experience except for my own reflection and thoughts on film as I enter my last year of undergrad. Maybe it'll help me grow. Maybe it'll just be another tool of procrastination. Whatever it becomes, it will be my thoughts, NOT what a professor tells me to think.